he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize