better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
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