Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize