what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
