from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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