Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize