hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
