Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Are my feet made of real feet?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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