You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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