this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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