Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i would punch a child for taco bell
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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