Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
