would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
