I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize