I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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