i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
