hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
