Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just want nice things and good sex
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
