tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
