so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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