Screwed.edu
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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