After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
