why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
