U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
