arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
