im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
