Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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