...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize