She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
