my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize