NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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