better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
