i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
