i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
