I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
