She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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