I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize