wat bout pragnant strippers??
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
