i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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