How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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