Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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