i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
