i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
