I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
