What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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