addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize