Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
