don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
