Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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