come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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