Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
