she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
