yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
