they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize