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Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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