I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
