I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
