all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
