i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i dont even know how to be here
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Randomize
