the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
