I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
