I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
