Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
