I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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