Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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