You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
