I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize