When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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