Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
