hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
