btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
