I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
