I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
