Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
