I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
