I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
