I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
