Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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