Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
