She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize