We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
