i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
