Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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