U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
