Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
