Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's never too late to be topless.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
