dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You were trust falling into bushes
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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