All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
