You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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