I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
