Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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