I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
