I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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