thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
