I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
