Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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